Helping Your Depression-Era Parents During These Difficult Economic Times
When I talk about Vicky-D’s, I focused most of my attention on the “Vicky” (Victorian) part of Vicky-D. Although the Great Depression had a huge impact on our parents, in good economic times, it was the Victorian values that shaped many of the issues that we Baby Boomers were struggling with as we worked to help our aging loved ones.
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However, the “D” part – the Great Depression – cannot be ignored. This is especially true now. What is going on with today’s economy is difficult, heartbreaking, and frightening for everyone. Right now the future is the great unknown and many in the media are comparing what’s going on now to the Great Depression.
For Vicky-D’s, the Great Depression was an horrific time and today’s economic situation has brought up many of the memories and fears they experienced as children and young adults. It’s those experiences that many of the Vicky-D’s are reacting to emotionally now. Emotions are a powerful force. When we react emotionally to a situation, we stop thinking logically. Our reactions become visceral – instinctive rather than intellectual.
Emotions reinforce and amplify our core values and generational attitudes – who each of us is on a basic, fundamental level. While we can learn to be different, when we’re caught up in an emotional situation, our generational attitudes and values are our fall-back position. For example, someone who has learned to be more comfortable spending money, may revert to obsessive penny-pinching when emotional and someone who has learned to be selective in what they keep, may revert to hoarding during emotional times.
Emotions also feed our fears. For some, even to the point of being controlled or consumed by those fears.
When times were good, their fears seemed irrational to us Baby Boomers. Now as their worst fears are come true, it is entirely possible that you’re seeing changes in your parents (and sadly we finally understand how they feel.)
How can we help them (and ourselves) through this challenging time?
By being aware of what your parents are feeling right now by watching for things they may say or do. Use what you’re seeing or hearing to talk with them about what they’re feeling. Use your own feelings to open the conversation. Share your feelings (fear for parents, fear for your kids, fear for yourselves, anxiety, fear, sadness). Ask them if that’s what they went through and how they made it through.
When talking, rather than trying to convince them that what they went through is different from what is going on now, validate their feelings by saying something like “boy are we lucky that we have the FDIC now. All your suffering created a cushion for us now”. You should also be prepared for “I told you so”. So preempt the “I told you so’s”, by acknowledging the wisdom of their caution about money all these years.
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If you haven’t already done so This is also a good time to talk about their financial planning. An unemotional accounting may help to calm the fears. At the very least, it will give you both a clear understanding of their financial situation so that you all can proceed with facts.
And finally, one of the ways our parents made it through the Great Depression was to work together. As difficult a time as this is for us all, better family relationships just may come out of it!
